~~~~Jokes~~~~

Thanks for stopping by my jokes page.

Here are some clean jokes for you. I hope you enjoy them. If you have any jokes that would like to share with me. Feel free to email me.

 

Camels

A mother and baby camel are talking one
day when the baby camel asks, "Mom,
why have I got these huge three toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well son, when we
trek across the desert your toes will help
you to stay on top of the soft sand."

"OK," said the son.

A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom,
why have I got these great long eyelashes?"

"They are there to keep the sand out of your
eyes on the trips through the desert."

"Thanks Mom," replies the son.

After a short while, the son returns and asks,
"Mom, why have I got these great big humps
on my back??" The mother, now a little
impatient with the boy replies, "They are
there to help us store water for our long
treks across the desert, so we can go
without drinking for long periods."

"That's great Mom, so we have huge feet
to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to
keep the sand from our eyes and these
humps to store water, but Mom..."

"Yes, son?"

"Why the heck are we in the San Diego zoo?"

 

In the hospital

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next
to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid
leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and
I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I
had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and
when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream.
It's a breeze!"

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was
born I couldn't walk for a year!"

 

Money Game

Little Johnny's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls over 6 year old Little Johnny and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. 

After a while, grandpa notices that Little Johnny is losing interest in the conversation, so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills to Little Johnny and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. 

Little Johnny reaches over and grabs the ten dollar bill. 

Grandpa, pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again he tells Little Johnny to take one of the bills and keep it. 

Little Johnny grabs the other ten. 

Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Little Johnny over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Little Johnny is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Little Johnny chooses the ten over the twenty. 

Grandpa finally shows the stunt to his Daddy. Little Johnny's Daddy is quite surprised, but doesn't pay too much attention at the moment. 

A few hours later, Daddy who is very concerned about Little Johnny's poor decision, walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten dollar bill and a twenty. 

"Of course," answers Little Johnny. 

"So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty," asks Dad. 

Little Johnny, with a wide smile answers, "Well Dad, if I would have chosen the twenty dollar bill the first time, do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen more times?"

 

Most Wanted

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10
most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked
if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman.
"The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?

 

The Kangaroo

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure
at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high,
the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming
around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was
put up. Again he go out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel
in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,
"How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "Oh, about a thousand
feet, I think... unless somebody remembers
to lock the gate at night!"

 

Vanishing Cream

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the
dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was
happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and
also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and
there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child
was heard to say, "You see, it IS vanishing cream!"